Most people get puppies so they have something to nurture, to take care of . . . to love. The truth is, I got Nanook so I could feel better about myself. I had just gone through one of those I-can’t-believe-you-did-that breakups. The kind where tequila was my best friend and my bed was the only thing I saw for months at a time. I needed a rebound. But the thought of rebounding with an actual male made me want to vomit in my mouth at the time. So when the humane society worker told me Nanook was found with his brothers and sisters in a box on the side of the road I couldn’t resist. He was like that guy at the bar who’s had one too many. The guy you give a ride home to out of pity, then end up staying the night with.
The fact of the matter is, even though I got Nanook to boost my karma, he ended up making me happier than any man could of at the time. He did all the things men should do: he let me bitch after a long day without saying a word and came and snuggled with me after my rant was done. And when I did start dating again, he was there to make sure whoever was dating me, treated me right.
This is where Will comes in. I hadn’t intended on dating Will. The first time I met him was during a work dinner I accompanied my roommate to. I sat beside him as he talked with his coworkers about the fascinating gaming life of Halo until I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and moved to the other end of the table. So when he asked me to go with him to an OAR concert in Atlanta on the Harry Potter book seven release weekend, I was a little hesitant and only agreed on the condition that he would let me read the entire trip up. We drove two hours without talking, and I was hooked. Any man who could respect me enough to let me read my Harry Potter book was a good man in my eyes.
Nanook, on the other hand, was not so happy for me to have another man in my life. He made it his personal mission to make sure Will only held my hand. Every time Will would come over and we would sit on the couch, Nanook would shove his body right in between the two of us as if to say, “don’t you touch my mommy you creep . . . I SEE THAT HAND.”
As the months went on, Nanook took to becoming the biggest cock block in dog history. He huffed if Will hugged me. He growled if lips touched. And god forbid anything happen in the bedroom. Even if anything as innocent as cuddling happened on my bed, he would jump up, and plop his big body down right in between the two of us, letting out a huff as he got comfortable.
Nanook’s no touching policy didn’t apply to only me. Once, my roommate’s boyfriend who lived in New York came down to Georgia to visit with a group of friends. We all stayed back a little to let the two of them have some private time at the apartment. But when we got back, my pissed off roomie informed me that Nanook decided to stand at her bedroom door barking, growling and doing whatever he could to make sure there were no shenanigans going on.
‘Nook’s gotten used to Will since those early days of dating. But every now and then, his ears will perk up if Will touches me suddenly (I think it's because Will gives him Brusters). I’ve decided that I should market Nanook's special abilities and come up with a new type of contraceptive called “No Nookie.” All I’d have to do is clone Nanook and give it to people. Who needs condoms and birth control when there’s a seventy-pound dog growling at a guy or gal reaching out for your hand?
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