I'd Like Butter Pecan Cone Please ... Better Make That Two

Regret. It’s a funny word loaded with remorse, anger and pitty. Some people regret dating that certain someone who broke their heart. Others regret decisions made at 3:30 in the morning when Captain Morgan and Grey Goose has taken over the blood. Outlandish and fiscally irresponsible purchases, career choices, and brash words: these are typical regrets. Regret plagues the hearts and minds of the present. But I don’t regret any of these things. What I regret is taking Nanook to Brusters.

The Bruster’s saga started when Nanook was only seven months old. Two of my girlfriends and I really wanted some icecream to cool down our tongues. But Nanook was too young to leave alone in the house. So instead of putting him in his kennel, I took him with me. After all, he looked sharp in his baby blue skull bandana and his new harness. I should have known better.

After ordering my fudge brownie sundae, the Bruster’s worker asked, “Would you like a doggie cone for your puppy?”

I looked down at Nanook, who just gazed up at my wide-eyed. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

The next thing I knew Nanook was attacking the small bowl of icecream. He didn’t even notice the dog bone stuck in the middle. He just licked the frozen treat until it was gone, then looked up at me with an are-you-going-to-finish-that-sundae look in his eyes. A monster was born.

Months later, after Nanook had grown to be about 70 pounds, we went back to Brusters. Before we could even pull up to the drivethru, he started panting heavily and drooling, like an addict needing a fix. Our icecream came through the window first, and the next thing I knew Nanook – a usually tame animal when it comes to food – lunged from the backseat to the front, his tongue reaching as close to the cone as it could. I barely saved my butter pecan. That is when I knew my dog had a problem.

It got worse after that. Every time I went to Brusters with ‘Nook in the car he would practically barge through the window at the poor worker. I would have to keep my icecream safe underneath my seat until we got home otherwise Nanook would eat it for me. Huffing and whining would ensue if I didn’t order him a doggie cone, which he would devour before I turned out of the parking lot.

Eventually, he even learned the word “Brusters.” It has become a no-no word in my apartment. You know, those words you spell because you can’t say it otherwise your dog will start running around in circles like a madman. One day I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go to Brusters for dessert and before I knew it, Nanook was at the front door barking and wagging his tail.

Nanook’s addiction has its advantages though. If he doesn’t come back to the apartment I can say, “Oh well, I guess I’ll go to Brusters instead,” and he’ll come running full-speed. Even my mother has learned this trick. Last weekend while dogsitting for me, she was having a difficult time getting Nanook back in the house. “Come” just wasn’t cutting it. Then she yelled, “Nanook, let’s go to Brusters.” After that all she heard was the sound of leaves being crunched under ‘Nook’s paws as he barreled down the hill.

There aren’t a whole lot of dogs I know that would kill someone for icecream. Nanook would. When his legs kick while he’s dreaming, I imagine he is chasing after someone who’s stolen his Coffee Toffee cone. If anything is true about Nanook, it’s that he has the heart of a fat kid. A lot of dogs would do anything to protect their masters. I just better hope if I’m ever in trouble, I’ve got a Klondike bar in my hands.